don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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