Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
