so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
