my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
