i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My vagina just clenched in fear
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
