I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
