you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
