You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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