It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
MIDGETS
????
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
