my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
