I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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