i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The beer is more important than you right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
