im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
