i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i think my cat just said my name.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
