I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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