your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
