i'm signing you up for texting rehab
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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