You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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