Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
