All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
