SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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