Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
