how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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