I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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