Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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