I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
