I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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