Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
