a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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