I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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