I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
