Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
