He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
