He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
