His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
