I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
