Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
