Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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