I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
