Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
