My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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