His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
