apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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