idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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