living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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