i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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