tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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