I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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