the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
