look no pants
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
