Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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