i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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